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Dealing
With Fear
by Rod Spencer, M.Div. M.A.
There are many things to be afraid of in life. Losing a loved
one. Going broke. Growing old. Being diagnosed
with a terminal illness. Dying. These are some of the
more common fears we all face, and to ignore these threats is to
live in denial. Fear is hardwired into our brains as a mechanism
for self-preservation. For example, we might be driving down
the street and suddenly another car pulls in front of us. Fear
is what activates our bodies and minds to deal with that threat,
so we instinctively swerve out of the way to avoid a collision. In
this sense, fear can save our lives. This is healthy fear—an
awareness and respect for what is dangerous in life.
There is, however, an unhealthy kind of fear. We
can be fearful of what others will think of us, and decide to avoid
contact with them. We can be fearful of not having the comforts
of life, and spend our best energies collecting possessions to
ensure our comfort. We can be fearful of not feeling loved
by someone, and attempt to control them to ensure that we feel
loved. We can be fearful of our emotional pain, and use drugs
and alcohol to numb ourselves to ensure we don’t feel that
pain. We can be fearful of those who are different from us,
and develop prejudice, even hatred, to strengthen our sense of
superiority over them. Rather than protecting our lives,
these kinds of fear diminish and undermine our selves and the lives
of others.
Unhealthy fear is fear that controls us and consumes us. These
fears “blackmail” us, rob us of the joy and abundance
of life that God has intended for us. Many years ago, one
of my mentors in the counseling field stated that he believed most
of our psychological problems in life were rooted in fear. I
have come to agree with him. Fear is a double-edged sword;
it can save us, and it can destroy us. How can we preserve
the place of healthy fear in our lives, and protect ourselves from
the death-dealing effects of unhealthy fear?
The first step in dealing with fear is to STOP and ask ourselves, “What
am I afraid of?” Most of the time we act on our fears
unconsciously. When we attempt to honestly identify what
we are afraid of, that identification process alone takes away
some of the power of unhealthy fear. If I recognize that
I start arguments with someone I care about because I am afraid
of letting them get close to me, then I can begin to question whether
that is healthy or unhealthy fear. I can choose other ways
to deal with my fears, such as letting them know my insecurities. This
implies the second step in dealing with fear.
In counseling we have a saying: “face your fears.” This
means that, rather than avoiding what you are afraid of, you turn
and stare it down. Facing what you fear is another way of
taking away the power of unhealthy fear. Facing what you
fear allows you to claim your ability to do something constructive
about the situation. If I am afraid of meeting new people,
then facing that fear gives me the opportunity to change the way
I think and act about strangers. I can “live into the
fear” and learn how to function differently.
The third step in dealing with unhealthy fear is to replace it
with faith. Frequently in scripture, heavenly beings begin
conversations with human beings with these words: “Fear
not!” That imperative was always an invitation to react
in a situation with faith, rather than with unhealthy fear. There
are many things to be afraid of in life. But none of those
things ultimately matters. What does ultimately matter is
that “nothing in life or death can separate us from the love
of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Remembering those
words is the only satisfying solution to dealing with fear. As
we live that good news, we entrust control of our lives to God,
and stop giving control of our lives to unhealthy fear.
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