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Coping
with Change
Earle
Donelson, Ph.D.
Staff Psychologist
Samaritan Counseling Centers of the Mid-South
Everything
that should change stays the same,
and everything
that should stay the same changes.
--Unknown
A
friend of mine has echoed that observation several times
in the past few weeks. It reflects her struggle with all
the changes and transitions she's going through. Newly
divorced, a single parent, she's mother, caregiver, nurse,
worker, taxi-driver, maid, cook, shopper, tutor, schedule
juggler, mediator and on and on. While she's played all
these roles before, she now has to manage them completely
on her own. The transition is not easy, there aren't enough
hours in the day and, at times, she is overwhelmed. I sometimes
think about how she, and the rest of us, cope with all
that is going on.
It
seems that change is the one constant in our lives. Jobs,
homes, cars, clothes, appearance and possessions all change.
Health, hope and happiness. Philosophy, politics and beliefs.
Morals, ethics and values. Even friends, families, spouses
and/or lovers change. The world keeps changing, and so
do we. Life is full of transitions and as we age, our lives
and roles change, too. Before we know it, we've moved from
youth to middle age to our "golden years." There
are so many things in life that change and not always what
we want or the way we want.
With
these transitions, we are called upon to adapt, change,
grow. It can be demanding, complicating, confusing, frustrating.
We rely on our basic coping strategies. We use our wisdom,
tolerance, flexibility and adaptability. We look to our
friends and family for support and advice. We use our sense
of humor and irony. Sports, recreation, hobbies, travel,
fun, etc.offer stress relief. Sometimes, we work with a
therapist or a pastor. And, of course, many of us rely
on our faith to deal with life's changes. But even our
spiritual life is subject to change throughout our spiritual
journey. The way we believed in our childhood is often
quite different from our spiritual beliefs as thirty-somethings,
forty-somethings, fifty-somethings, etc. Oh, for the innocence
and simplicity of childhood! Isn't there anything we can
count on?
The
friend mentioned above sometimes answers that question
simply: God has been the one thing, the only thing, she
knew she could always count on. And she's right. The one
thing we can rely on, the one constant in this sea of change
and transition, is God's grace and love for us. God is
always there and always provides us with the love, support
and strength to deal with life. Even when we "act
the fool" or behave in the most un-Christian manner,
God remains there for us. In our darkest hour, God provides
us with light and love. Paul once wondered aloud how could
God possibly love him, such a miserable, worthless wretch
of a human being. Sometimes, in the wee small hours of
a restless night, I, too, wonder aloud, could God really
love me? And the answer always comes back the same. "Yes." Incredible
as it might sound to me, I am loved.
Change
and transition don't always have to be bad things. God's
love and strength can help us deal with them. Through faith
and prayer, we can find opportunities for hope, growth
and second chances in change. We can make our lives what
we want to make them. Lives that better reflect our thoughts
and beliefs. Lives more grounded in our faith and spirituality.
A time of thanks for our many blessings. A time of applying
the wisdom and insight acquired through our experiences
and faith journeys. We can use God's love and strength
in the most difficult of transitions. It doesn't mean that
everything will go our way or that every transition and
change will be painless or positive. But God is there for
us.
Even
as my beliefs change and evolve, I take comfort in the
knowledge that God loves me. I rely on the strength that
God and my faith provide me. Like my friend says, God remains
the one thing I can count on throughout all the changes
and transitions I go through. God is the one constant in
a world of change and transition.
Copyright ©2004 Earle
Donelson
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